Managing a full December calendar and a long to-do list can quickly take you from celebratory to frazzled as you try to make everything perfect, Instagrammable, and memorable. Niro Feliciano, psychotherapist and author Everything is calm: HOURHow to Feel Less Crazy and More Festive During the Holidaysshares tips on how to reduce stress and increase joy this season.
Yulia Neroznak/Getty Images
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Yulia Neroznak/Getty Images
Most of my adult life Niro FelicianoThe holiday checklist looked like this: host a family gathering, write greeting cards, buy gifts, decorate and peel carrots for Santa's reindeer—all while raising four kids and going to work every day.
All the effort to make his family's life perfect left Feliciano feeling frantic and disconnected when the holidays finally arrived.
One Christmas morning, she says she was so tired from preparing the night before that she could barely stay awake while her children opened their presents. “I remember thinking: I’m not here. I miss it.”
This realization prompted Feliciano, a psychotherapist, to write a book on how to stay connected during the holidays: All is calm: how to feel less hectic and more festive during the holidays. Published in November, it offers practical tips and tricks to relieve stress and foster deeper connections during this time of year.
Many of them require nothing more than a slight change in the way you look at the holidays. She shared some of them in a recent interview with Life Kit.
Niro Feliciano – psychotherapist and author All Calm: How to Feel Less Crazy and More Festive During the Holidays.
Left: Broadsheet books; Right: Rachel Henderson/47 Moments
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Left: Broadsheet books; Right: Rachel Henderson/47 Moments
Choose three moments in which you want to be present.
You probably won't have the time or attention to do everything on your to-do list, so narrow it down to the items that matter most to you.
“Maybe it's Christmas morning, dinner with your family, or a concert you're attending,” Feliciano says. At this point, show up as often as possible.
Change your point of view.
Instead of calling everything you have to do this season, name what you receive do, says Feliciano. For example: I receive to make holiday cards, I receive hang out with the whole family.
Changing our perception of these activities can transform them from obligations into privileges. This can also relieve some tension.
Remember, everything is optional.
While it may seem like you need to follow every tradition on your list, that's actually not the case, says Feliciano. If it doesn't bring you joy, let it go.
So if you've been procrastinating on sending holiday cards, give yourself permission to “do things a little differently this year,” she says. Then focus your energy on other activities that do worry you.
Assess expectations.
Think about what expectations or beliefs you have for yourself and your family during the holidays. If you find yourself frequently feeling disappointed, it may be time to “revise those expectations to be more realistic,” says Feliciano.
For example: If you find yourself irritated every year because family time is never as peaceful as you'd like, remember that when so many people are under one roof, some friction is likely.
A little stress “is normal when families spend a lot of time together,” Feliciano says. “There will still be joyful moments.”
The digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib and art directed by Bec Harlan. We'd like to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823 or email us at [email protected].
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