You never know what will stick in the smallest minds. “Sometimes I make the children tell me something, that their grandmother or coach said, and this may be that the rest of us were dismissed, but for this child this really influenced,” says Amy Mororin, therapist and author 13 things strong children doThe field is why it is important for parents to get used to repeating the nuggets of wisdom, which become mantras jumping in the minds of their children during the future years.
We asked Morin and other therapists to share easily memorable precious stones that they want every child to know.
“So, people simply show that they relate to themselves.”
If someone is mocking you at what Maurin tells his younger customers, this is because he feels bad. “It is so important for children to know that if you feel good, you will be kind to other people,” she says. “The words and behavior of peoples is a reflection of what is happening inside theirNot you. ”
This is not an excuse for harmful behavior of hooligans, she adds. But this invites sympathy. Ideally, the children will begin to think: “Well, something else is happening with this person, which I don’t know about,” says Morin, “and then they will not accept this anesthesia or these vile words.”
“Listen to your shoulder angel.”
When Maurin talks with the children, she explains that we all have a “devil” on one shoulder, telling us to do what can feel good at the moment, but this is not the best choice, and the “angel” with the other, telling us to do the right thing. “These are two voices that you hear in your head when your mother says:“ Do not eat cookies, ”and the little devil says:“ No, take it, ”and your angel on the shoulder says:“ No, you really should not, ”she says. “You have power to decide which one you will listen to.”
Read more: 10 questions that you need to ask your child, in addition, how was the school? “
This is a valuable lesson about how good it is to be able to make a choice, which can increase the confidence and independence of children. In addition, this helps those who fall into troubles of poor behavior – which can be called “bad” children – according to Morin, they can be less single, since they will understand that sometimes everyone tempts them “shoulder devil”.
“Assigning help is a kind of courage.”
Of course, independence is important. But children do not need to find out everything on their own – and find out what you can ask for help – this is a skill for life. “This is probably vulnerable, and I think that is why people do not always do it,” says Navin Halfan, a licensed marriage and a family therapist in Headspace. “But vulnerability is power.”
“Not everyone loves you, and this is normal. You are still enough. ”
Growing up children often learn that they should behave with people, pleasant. “They are constantly trying to fit into boxes or places where they think that they will be accepted,” says Halfan. “Of course, you need your tribe, and you need to feel belonging. But if you are constantly trying to fit into the images of other people who you should be, you will never be genuine. ” This trend can persist throughout life, it adds, which leads to a constant struggle with identity and self -acceptance.
“The fact that you have a thought does not do it true.”
This is normal to question your brain – and in fact, this is a good idea to get used to notice and challenge negative thoughts. “We have an idea that if we think, we should pay attention to this, and that there is a sense there,” says Natalie Bernstein, a psychologist in Pittsburgh. This is not necessary. Instead, “come to this thought with curiosity,” she advises. “Be an investigator – do not just perceive it as a fact. Look at it a little. ”
“Anxiety dangles in the future, so let's think about it when we get there.”
Much of what we are worried about is never come to life – or, if so, it is not as bad as expected. So why spend all this precious time and energy representing the worst scenarios? “It is much easier to wait and know that you can deal with this,” says Bernstein. “Waiting does not protect, although we think it is so.”
“Rubbing of errors does not make you bad – it just means that you are learning.”
This is one of the most important lessons that can be instilled in children. Halfan noted that when some young people try something new, they immediately give up if they are not very good in this.
“We live in this perfectionist world where it looks like:“ Oh, you should do everything right for the first time, and if you do not, then something is wrong with you, ”says Halfan. “It's really sad, because when you learn to walk, aren't you stumbling a million times?”
“All feelings are in order, but there are no offensive actions.”
This is normal – angry, but not to hit anyone. And this is normal, sad, but not loudly screaming in public, Morin loves to speak.
“Many children and parents in my therapeutic office confuse angry feelings with aggressive behavior,” she says. If, for example, a 7-year-old girl tells her that they pushed someone to the playground, because the other child was a moron, Maurin explains that the frustration is normal; This is what you do with these feelings that matter. This helps the young people with whom she works, to become better in the transfer of their emotions. “A child who can say“ I am angry ”is much less inclined to rise and kick someone in the lower leg,” she says. “It is the children who are struggling to understand this feeling or identify it, who feel that they need to show you how much this will damage their feelings.”
“Your body belongs to you.”
You can decide who hugs you or five, and you can always say no. According to Halfan, strengthening this message, teaches children “so many” things, including the importance of borders and always considering whether you feel safe and comfortable in this situation.
This is what she is now instilled in her little son. “He is super extrovert and very friendly with people, and I like that he trusts everyone,” she says. “But I also feel that he needs to learn a little more is All?”
“If you can name this, you can tame it.”
Children do not receive formal training on how to determine their feelings, but any therapist will tell you that this is a decisive skill that can help children cope with painful emotions, such as disappointment, embarrassment or refusal.
Read more: 10 questions that parents need to be asked while you can still
“If we can teach children from an early age to really determine what they feel, this automatically reduces the influence,” says Bernstein. “If you can determine how you feel, then you know how to work out, and you are not stuck with this.”
“You are loved for who you are, and not what you do.”
In this world, focused on achievements, when the children are overloaded with additions, as private lessons and several leagues are easy to equate success to worthy. “Validation may seem that it is only their performance in the sports team,” says Bernstein. But what will happen if you decide that you want to quit softball or you have no good game?
It is important to start studying at an early age that “your parents are not there, because they think that you are going to get into a home race,” she says. “They are there because they want to support you and you like sports.” The sooner this message becomes captured on the brain of the child, the less likely they will rely on anxiety and perfectionism, which can pursue them for life.
