New Year's resolutions are often punishing. You push yourself to lose 20 pounds, go to the gym more often, get a better paying job—all or nothing goals that lead to disappointment.
That's why some experts prefer a different approach: using a “cue word” designed to guide your thinking and actions in the coming year. It is a touchstone you can return to to remind yourself of your values and vision, pushing you toward positive change.
“There's something very demanding about problem solving,” says Dr. Christopher W. T. Miller, assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Maryland School of Medicine. “It automatically creates expectations.” “When January 15th comes and you've already given up on your new diet or workout routine, you're going to feel bad,” he says. On the other hand, a nudge word is “meant to harmonize and center and help us feel grounded.” “It’s smoother, softer and gentler than resolution,” he adds.
This resonates with John Sovetz, a therapist in Pasadena, California, who personally uses nudges and recommends them to his clients. Each year, he views his early December birthday as an opportunity to begin reflecting on the year ahead, including what nudge words might be most helpful. He settles on three that reflect what he wants to invite into the New Year. “They’re not punitive words, they’re not negative words, they’re not words that will turn you off,” he says.
Sovets creates a calendar alert so that every morning at 8:30 a.m. his cue words will flash on his screen as a reminder to keep them top of mind throughout the day. “When it comes up, I take a moment, repeat it to myself and breathe it into my body,” he says. “I'll just close my eyes and sit with them in that moment and let myself think, 'Okay, this is what my day is going to be like.'
Not sure which nudge words are right for you? We turned to the experts for inspiration.
Self-empathy
If you want a shortcut to greater well-being, turn to self-compassion, which means treating yourself with the kindness, understanding and compassion that you would show to a loved one.
Read more: 10 Questions to Ask Yourself at the Start of the New Year
“We spend so much time in demand and production mode, and it feels like we're just chasing a horizon that we'll never reach,” Miller says. “Self-compassion allows us to stop and evaluate everything we do. have made.”
Balance
Another of Miller's favorite words is “balance.” This reminds him that life is not all about work: he needs to take time for himself. “In some ways it was a counterbalance that helped me slow down a little,” he says. For example, after a long day, he may allow himself to relax: “I'm tired, I'm going to go to bed. This problem will still be here tomorrow.”
Peaceful
Feeling calm can calm your troubled mind, provide clearer thinking, and strengthen your relationships. That is why in 2025 Sovets used the word “peaceful” as one of his nudge words. “There is so much going on in the world around us that we have absolutely no control over,” he says. For him, focusing on peace means asking himself, “What about the space around me? What could be peaceful in my day, in my moments, in my interactions with people?”
Sovets also uses the word “peaceful” as a basis for communicating with his nervous system. “Right now, our nervous system is activated 24 hours a day, 7 days a week due to all the new cycles we are exposed to,” he says. “You can say, 'Nervous system, you can relax, you can let go – we're safe right now. We're okay, so let's find peace in the world around us.”
Playful
Ask any of Sovech's friends to describe him, and they'll tell you he has a mischievous streak—which perhaps explains why he made one of his recent words “playful.” “It’s a way for me to remind my spirit that, hey, we’re only here for a short time, let’s enjoy this as much as we can,” he says. “I want to do a lot of things, so why not make it all playful?”
Read more: How to reconnect with the people you care about
When his day gets tough, Sowetz uses his nudge word and looks for a small spot of light—like the cats that pop out of the bushes while he tends to his garden—and enjoys a moment of levity.
Prosperous
The word is often associated with money and success, but neither seems authentic to Sovec. Rather, he chose this nudge word to mean “universally embracing energy.”
“The idea is that prosperity is about sitting down to a table full of friends and realizing the richness of that moment,” he says. “Prosperity is being able to give to causes that really matter to you. It's about looking around and realizing all the blessings that I'm in the middle of, rather than just being like, 'I'm going to make $250,000 this year.'
Gratitude
Even if you don't always remember it, you probably know a lot mental (and even physical) health benefits of gratitude. That's why it's a great nudge word, says Bonnie Settlage, a clinical psychologist and instructor at Saybrook University in Oakland, California. “If I remember to reflect on the things I'm grateful for, it will immediately lift my spirits,” she says.
Life force
Many New Year's resolutions focus on health and wellness. Settlage prefers to focus on vitality, which is the energy and enthusiasm that contribute to a feeling of vitality.
For example, deciding to quit smoking or lose a certain amount of weight is “shame-based and rooted in avoidance,” she says. “More motivation to think, “I want more life—more vitality—in my existence.”
Clarity
When your mind is confused and you're overwhelmed with decisions, it's helpful to induce clarity. This nudge word allows you to focus on what you want and take targeted action to achieve it.
Read more: 9 phrases that stump your therapist
“It allows us to see things as they are—to see the truth or what is at the bottom of a pond or in a stream,” says Connie Habash, a licensed marriage and family therapist in San Francisco. By thinking about what you need, “you'll learn to see with new eyes,” she adds, and this can help you in your relationships, career and all other aspects of life.
Sustainability
Resilience can be a particularly powerful nudge word. Habash believes that no matter what problems arise, you are not stuck – you have the ability to bounce back, adapt and recover.
If you embrace this nudge word, you can pause in moments of stress, adversity, or trauma and remind yourself that you can face whatever you're dealing with. Habash suggests asking yourself, “If I were to tap into my resilience right now, how would I react? How would I handle this situation?”
She says resilience is “an affirmation of your inherent courage, strength and ability” and can protect your mental health by helping you thrive through life's inevitable challenges.
Satisfaction
Being content is not the same as being happy. Happiness is fleeting, says Habash, and is usually triggered by specific events, such as enjoying your favorite dessert or receiving an unusual gift. Contentment is a calm, satisfied and lasting feeling.
“In some ways it’s radical because our culture is based on scarcity,” Habash says. “It's based on, 'You're not enough, you're not enough, you need this, you need to buy that, you need to have this experience and become that person.' Contentment defies all of that.”
By holding that nudge word, you can remind yourself that you are enough and you have enough, she adds—a powerful feeling that will improve your days and months ahead.
